Confronting Racism: The Privilege in Doing Nothing and How to Choose Leadership Instead

Confronting Racism: The Privilege in Doing Nothing and How to Choose Leadership Instead - Webinar Summary

What are we talking about?

Racism and why white people, specifically white business leaders, are traditionally unwilling to confront racism in their companies and how we can begin to change that. I am focusing my conversation here on white people because they are to whom I feel qualified to give guidance.

Why you are here?

If there was something happening in your business that was hurting your employees, your customers, your community, you wouldn’t ignore it. You are not that kind of leader. And yet, we engage in privileged neglect of racism every day. So, today, we are going to explore how to stop doing nothing and choose leadership instead.

We will be getting uncomfortable

I had to check a lot of my behaviors and beliefs in my learning about racism and how to be anti-racist. I’m betting you will need to do this too. And I’m not close to done with my education and growth.

I will likely make mistakes. You likely will, too. And that’s ok. We can’t improve if we don’t try.

If I do make mistakes, I would be grateful to any person of color who wants to help me do better. And I also want to acknowledge that it is not the job of people of color to educate white people on racism.

Why are we talking about it now?

It’s always been something we should be talking about, but we don’t (more on that later). So we are specifically talking about it now because of the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and Tony McDade. These black people were killed by the police and join a very long list of black people, indigenous people, and people of color who have had their lives taken by law enforcement, vigilantes, and others who defend their actions as justified. And often, the killers are not brought to justice.

What we need to understand about the impact of these killings on the Black community.

Racism causes trauma. Whether as a result of a major experience like a hate crime or daily discriminations and microaggressions, people of color are traumatized by the systemic racism that impacts them every day.

When black people are killed indiscriminately and we see the videos and pictures of their deaths everywhere around us, when a parent, a spouse, a friend can rightfully imagine that their loved ones could be killed in the same way..., that trauma is intensified.

Other people’s trauma can cause us to disengage.

Most of us can reflect on a time when someone we cared about experienced trauma. In that moment, many of us don’t know what to say. We don’t understand their pain. We struggle with the right thing to do. From death to cancer to violence, we are often deeply uncomfortable sitting with other people’s trauma.

Racism is systemic.

Below is a quote from an essay written by Scott Woods, who is a poet and writer, that defines systemic racism perfectly. I’m sharing it because his words define it better than I could hope to do.

“The problem is that white people see racism as conscious hate, when racism is bigger than that. Racism is a complex system of social and political levers and pulleys set up generations ago to continue working on the behalf of whites at other people’s expense, whether whites know/like it or not.” Racism is an insidious cultural disease. It is so insidious that it doesn’t care if you are a white person who likes black people; it’s still going to find a way to infect how you deal with people who don’t look like you. Yes, racism looks like hate, but hate is just one manifestation. Privilege is another. Access is another. Ignorance is another. Apathy is another. And so on. So while I agree with people who say no one is born racist, it remains a powerful system that we’re immediately born into. It’s like being born into air: you take it in as soon as you breathe. It’s not a cold that you can get over. There is no anti-racist certification class. It’s a set of socioeconomic traps and cultural values that are fired up every time we interact with the world. It is a thing you have to keep scooping out of the boat of your life to keep from drowning in it. I know it’s hard work, but it’s the price you pay for owning everything.” - Scott Woods

Your privilege is doing nothing.

Racism is complex, it is systemic, and the trauma it causes is profound. It’s not something we can fix with a marketing plan, an app, a webinar. It’s uncomfortable. It’s risky. It’s dangerous.

So, many of us (white people) choose to turn away from it. To protect ourselves from the discomfort and risk by disengaging. Doing nothing is our privilege.

You aren’t a leader who does nothing.

Something IS happening in your business that is hurting your employees, your customers, your community. You won’t ignore it. You are not that kind of leader. And yet, we are engaging in this privileged neglect every day. So, let’s explore how to stop doing nothing and choose leadership instead.

And yet, we are engaging in this privileged neglect every day. So, let’s explore how to stop doing nothing and choose leadership instead.

It’s not about me.

In my education, I learned that white people often reframe racism and make it about them. And that is the first lesson I want to share with you. I’ll use a trauma most of us are familiar with as an analogy.

The funeral.

Jason’s good friend Mia’s dad just died unexpectedly. Mia asks Jason to come to the funeral - his presence would mean a lot to her. Jason doesn’t love going to funerals - who does? But he cares about Mia so he sucks up his discomfort and goes to the funeral. The funeral is crowded, Mia is absorbed in being with her close family and managing the challenges of the funeral, so she doesn’t get a chance to talk to Jason. She doesn’t thank him for coming. She doesn’t even acknowledge his presence. Jason is pissed. He came all the way here, to a funeral, for her! And she didn’t even say thank you!

I think we can all agree that Jason is being a jerk.

He wants credit for his own discomfort and what he personally had to give up to support Mia. He doesn’t acknowledge her pain and trauma and the strength it took for her to make space for him, to include him in her pain. He wants to make this about him. He wants to take her pain and turn it to bring attention to himself.

Seeking credit for just showing up.

We must confront racism not to soothe our own sense of shame or fear. Or to increase our anti-racist credentials. But because racism is morally wrong and because it is traumatizing and killing people. Seeking credit for just showing up can look like:

Posting a bland statement of generic support for "not being racist" on social media or your website.
Making a one-time donation so you can tell people you did it.
Telling your employees you "know this is hard" but we've got to stay focused on the work so they know you are aware, but they don't get distracted.

If we show up to condemn racism with an expectation that we will be credited, so that we can check a box, we are making it about us.

The funeral, continued.

Mia knows Jason is a great speaker, so she asks if he would be willing to say a few words about her dad at the funeral. Jason met her dad a few times, but Mia also gives him some photo albums, letters, videos to help him learn even more. Jason sits down to write his eulogy. But all these photos and letters and videos, ugh. It’s going to take forever to look through them and learn more about Mia’s dad. It will be so much faster if she will just TELL him all about her dad so he knows what to say. Jason’s time is valuable - he can’t spend hours educating himself when Mia could do it for him.

Jason wants the reward without the work. He wants to be able to deliver the message, but he doesn’t want to do the research to learn.

He believes his time is more valuable than the time of the people who are experiencing the trauma. He is making this about himself.

Being unwilling to educate ourselves.

We must take the initiative to educate ourselves about racism and the lived experiences of people of color. Being unwilling to educate ourselves can look like:

Asking black employees to "explain racism" to us or others in our company.
Using people of color who work for/with us as "examples".
Refusing to learn because it's uncomfortable and we are "busy".

If we believe our time is too valuable to invest in reading, listening, watching even some of the nearly endless supply of material on racism that people of color have ALREADY invested their time in creating, we are making this about us.

Back to the funeral.

Jason is talking with Mia’s aunt - her dad’s sister, about her loss. He says, “at least he’s in a better place now”. Mia’s aunt bursts into tears and rushes away. Jason realizes he said the wrong thing. He becomes defensive - funerals suck! He turns to Mia’s uncle who is standing next to him and points out that he, Jason, really is a good guy. He’s had relatives die as well, it was very hard on him. Jason emphasizes that he really UNDERSTANDS death. Why is Mia’s aunt so sensitive?

Jason knows he said the wrong thing. He’s embarrassed and ashamed. His defensiveness is how he is coping with his own feelings of inadequacy. He is not concerned with the pain he has caused or how to rectify it. He is not concerned with how to learn and grow.

He is concerned with how Mia and her family, who are in a space of trauma and pain, perceive him, how they value him. He is making this about himself.

Refusing to learn and grow when we make a mistake.

We WILL make a mistake when we confront racism. We WILL get corrected. Our error will be in defending our mistake by saying things like:

I'm not a racist.
I don't see color.
I have black friends/family members/colleagues.
I've experienced prejudice because ... and therefore ...

We are focusing our response on our own discomfort instead of gratefully accepting the education a person living through trauma has offered to us. We are making this about us.

The funeral, finale.

Once Jason finishes his eulogy, he looks up at the mourners. Nobody applauds. Huh. Weird since he nailed it. But ok, it’s a funeral. He walks off the dais and heads to Mia. She is crying into her mother’s arms. Jason stands in front of her, waiting for her to notice him. She doesn’t look up. Unbelievable! After everything he did - showing up (he’s really a busy guy), learning about her dad, saying all the right things - well except for that one thing with her Aunt, but it’s no biggie. How is Mia not thanking Jason for everything he has done for her today?!

What kind of a person would demand personal accolades from a friend in the midst of deep pain and trauma? Mia is in pain, this day is about her pain and her family’s pain. It’s not about Jason.

But everyday, white people try to make the pain of racism about us.

Expecting a reward.

Do we expect a reward for doing the right thing? Are we taking time in conversations to ensure everyone understands our anti-racist credentials - showing how we do read the books, went to the protest, have black friends. Is our company expecting a market boost based on our social media support of the protests? Have we congratulated ourselves for putting a person of color on our leadership team?

If we are showing up to condemn or combat racism with any expectation that we will be rewarded for our work, we are making this about us.

“Racism should never have happened and so you don't get a cookie for reducing it.” - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Americanah

The moral of our story.

Jason is focused on himself. He is unable to hold space and empathy for Mia. He could have:

Shown up not for himself, but for Mia.
Educated himself instead of making Mia do it.
Apologized for making a mistake.
Been a true friend and ally, without expectation of reward for himself.

So, how do we remove ourselves from the center of the conversation and take action?

Taking Action

Work on yourself.

Start by working on yourself first. In our Leadership Agility workshops and coaching we encourage leaders to start by working on themselves and changing their mindsets before they work on evolving their business systems and practices.

The same holds true here. To confront racism and choose leadership, we must educate ourselves, uncover our own biases and beliefs, develop our empathy, and evolve ourselves. This isn’t fast work, it takes a lifetime. So get started now. I’ll share many resources at the end of this deck.

There will never be a time where we will have gotten it all right. It’s ongoing learning - trying, making mistakes, and learning again.

And if we are expecting someone to reward us for our work on ourselves, for our newly developed anti-racism stance, we need to start over and remember, taking someone else's pain and trauma and trying to turn it into attention for yourself is wrong. We can’t make it about us.

It's time to do the work of confronting racism.

Once we’ve started the work to educate ourselves, it’s time to start using our power and privilege to begin dismantling the very system that gives us that power and privilege. When dismantling that system makes us nervous about losing our power, we are doing it right.

Use our power and privilege to dismantle racism.

Remember:

Anti-racism isn’t the goal. It’s the tool.
The goal is dismantling a system that in every aspect of our lives encourages a dynamic where white people gain at the expense of black people, indigenous people, people of color.
Any system where some increase their status, power, and wealth at the expense of others is unsustainable, morally wrong, and inevitably designed to fail.
If we really want to confront racism, here are some things we must be willing to do.

Specific actions

If you have the authority (looking at you C-suite), put people of color on your board of directors and your team
Board members, demand that your companies put people of color in the C-suite
Venture capitalists, hire people of color and invest your money in businesses run by people of color
Shareholders, contact the companies you invest in and demand diversity in their hiring and leadership
Use your personal and business influence to lobby for policy change with local government officials
HR professional and team leads/manager
Review your hiring policies and job descriptions and vetting and interview processes
How do these policies and processes encourage or discourage hiring people of color? Are you actively seeking out people of color, or just hoping they enter the pipeline?
Review your pay practices
Are you paying people of color equally?
People leaders
How are you talking about diversity with your teams - even if everyone is white?
Do you tolerate racist jokes or statements because "there isn't anyone to offend"?
Do you know how to support employees who are black, indigenous, and people of color? Do you understand the issues they face?
White colleagues everywhere
Do you see and acknowledge the lived experience of racism in the people of color you work with?
Do you expect them to show up to a big meeting the next day after racism is splashed across our media and "be professional"? Or do you make space for their pain?
Do you ask them what they need? Even better, do you give them what they need?
Remember, this isn't about asking them to give YOU what YOU need (education, information, feedback)
But if they are kind enough to give you feedback: listen, learn, grow

Thank you for choosing leadership.

I probably got a lot wrong in this talk. But that's the point really. Choosing leadership is about choosing action even when you might get it wrong. You'll know you are moving in the right direction when you are uncomfortable and nervous. And what a low price to pay to do what's right.